As your other commenter said, taking a moment before reacting can give your brain a chance to turn your instant reaction into an adequate response.

Also, I've been told before that the reason someone jumped at me in a triggered kind of way was because she felt she had to answer instantly, and that a few moments of silence for her to consider things would have meant she had "lost."

This is nonsense and we both came to the conclusion that her "instant lifestyle" was at the bottom of this. Constantly 'dispute-minded' and taking her worldview from clips and easily digestible snippets of text, things like that.

Also, responding so quick when feeling offended or annoyed somehow is likely to keep you locked in to what's right in front of you. What I mean is, sometimes what's needed is extra context or to realise that more information needs to be brought in to the discussion.

If you are locked in to exactly what the other person says, whether it's either the words that they use or the claim that they make, you restrict yourself from bringing in that extra info that's needed.

All that being said, hear this: people are going to use words that you yourself would not use, and hardly anyone will express themselves in the way that you would like them to or the way that you would do it.

Sometimes, they might not even be 100% convicted in the words or the claims they make, but just exploring them. If you are overly critical of their expressions or even give the misperception that you'd rather they go "on script" you are going some ways to limiting not only people's expressions, but their explorations of certain concepts, what they take from the discussion, and their future discussions with you.

I have also, in my past, been hyper-focused on how others use words. I should not have been surprised that I struggled to relate, to find true "meaning" beyond the words, and connection through communication.

Thanks for the write-up!