AdenBADN
1 min readMar 31, 2023

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A great read!

I'll be looking forward to the interrogation.

You have impressive command of adjectives here without overdoing them, which is a common enough issue with a lot of fiction.

Personally I struggle with them in my own writing. It's like I'm locked into writing with verbs, and have to spend extra energy to make sure to describe at least enough to make things make sense.

I'll be checking out chapter 2 in a little while for sure!

I have just one pointer for you with this story. I had to re-read certain lines that started with "we leopard crawled". Maybe I just haven't had enough tea to understand the line immediately, but if you wrote "we leopard-crawled" it would join that part of the sentence up and be a lot more of a smoother read for the readers.

Keep writing!!!! I'll be letting you know how I get on with chapter 2 later today.

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AdenBADN

Believe and Disbelieve Nothing. Philosophy. Technology. Unity. A futurist living in the present t.me/adenbadn / adenbadn@pm.me / buymeabeer.com/AdenBADN